She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
