...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
