I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
