She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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