At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
