So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
