Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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