those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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