Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
