she was so not down for the gang bang
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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