I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
