his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
