First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
