sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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