I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
