I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
