North Korea, Best Korea!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
