Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
