Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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