My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
