Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My feet surprised me
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