i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
