i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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