If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
