just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i think i just lost a toe
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
