i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have peed in a lot of sinks
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
