He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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