she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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