Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
