ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
