so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
