we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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