The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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