Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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