I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just want nice things and good sex
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
