I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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