For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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