I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
