I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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