Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
