just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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