I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
