Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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