it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
