I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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