im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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