This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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