I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
