hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
