The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
