Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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