thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
